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| jesus christ, i'm freaking out tonight. if i began to try and tell you the things that have been going on in the last 4 months you wouldn't believe me. i swear this is going to be the death of me. i lost the "no smoking" thing and picked up the "no drinking" thing. i've been dry since the day after thanksgiving.
please pray or meditate or whatever the hell you kids do these days. it's been quite the rollercoaster lately.
dear siren (if you even know where this place is),
please feel better. please call me. please don't let anything get to be too much for you. i love you more than i can verbalize.
-ryan | | |
| holy shit,,,check this out,,,i'm updating.
quitting smoking, haven't had a cigarette in 2 days. before that it was two days since my last one. started drinking again to make up for the lack of "vice." but trying not to overdo it too often.
listening to: beefheart, john cage, joan of arc (the gap is one of the greatest things ever recorded), modest mouse, beatles-rubber soul, pink floyd-the wall (but when am i not spinning floyd), the clash-london calling (probably listened to the most of all of this,,the clash is the best), pedro the lion/paperback, i've been listening to johnny cash, but it's just kindof depressing i can't handle it too much. the man will be missed. ok,,,i know no one cares i know no one cares what i've been listening to,,,but yeah
decided to spice up the love life a bit. which i guess entails a few things: getting a love life in the first place, stop talking about music/the band more than anyone wants to hear, get off this damn computer.
have a good one kids | | |
| i'm not through with you
i realize more and more everyday how confused i am about my life. i don't know what to do,,,i sometimes wish i could go back to about a year and a half ago,,,things weren't so bad then. not that things are "so bad" now,,,but the things that stressed me out were,,,well,,,a lot less stressful than i used to think.
for some reason i looked at Molly Maloof's profile tonight and there was a link to pictures,,,i was bored so i went. and, of course, there were pictures of Nikki,,,i decided that i need to call her soon. i miss her voice. it was really odd the way it happened,,,it was like "hey i haven't listened to the saves the day acoustic cd in forever" and "hey, i wonder what's on molly's profile" and suddenly it seemed like i was at home again.
oh yeah,,,speaking of home,,,i think we're getting evicted tomorrow. i don't know,,,i was asleep all evening. i just woke up at like one and asked ben if they paid rend and he mumbled what i thought to be "no, we couldn't."
I'm Sorry, I'm Leaving is a great cd,,,honestly | | |
| :i can't change:
i'm a million different people from one day to the next. i hate the phrase "take care of yourself" it bothers me to no end,,,i mean,,,i guess i have good reason to be spiteful towards it,, being that i've heard it far too often. but to be honest,,,other than the present moment i've been basically happy for two days,,,small victories, but victories none the less. those of you who know me well know that it's quite an achievement. to all my friends, i'm sorry if i'm a handful and hard to deal with. i genuinely love and adore you for everything you do for me | | |
| the wallflowers-bringing down the horse
assorted songs from that cd were instrumental in my developement as an early teen,,,i love them even more now. | | |
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